Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
