woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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