K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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