This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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