I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
