Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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