i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
