The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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