She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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