when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
