I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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