We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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