i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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