he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
