do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
