I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
