I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
