bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
