Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
