i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
