sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
