it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize