Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
COCAINE IS GR8
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
