How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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