i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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