are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize