we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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