Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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