Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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