Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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