i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Randomize
