my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
