you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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