All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
