and you said cock pushups were impossible
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
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