I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
