I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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