my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
