Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
