Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
