Screwed.edu
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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