I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
