I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
