We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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