apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
wow bdsm is so cute
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
