Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
