In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I am spending my child support on dildos
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
