last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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