Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
