"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
