is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
