I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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