My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
