Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
