so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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