I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
