I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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