i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
