Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
