I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
