There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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