If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
