we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
