she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Randomize
