i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
