how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
