I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm both gender and math confused
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
