GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I don't deserve a penis
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
