But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
