dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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