who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
