2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
and she was petting her beer can
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize