Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.

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(416): View more from Ontario

She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.

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(541): View more from Oregon

And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor

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(609): View more from New Jersey

just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good

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(707): View more from California

I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"

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(+64): View more from New Zealand

I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..

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(269): View more from Michigan

Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.

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(502): View more from Kentucky

well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...

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