I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
