DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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