Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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