just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
