my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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