the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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