After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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