Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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