Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
We're not piercing ourselves today.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
