You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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