whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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