You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
We're too hungover to prance.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
