Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
