WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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