Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
no you cant smoke seaweed
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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