I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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