Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
