I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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