Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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