there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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