Ambien. No doubt about it.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
